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Mixtures news : Mixtures Got Talent part 2 . So we left the boys rehearsing with James Male throttling David Male the fake ventriloquist dummy for talking street and Philip Moulding s face locked in a permanent sneer when singing partner suggested they sing Take That songs ........Steve Stephen 'n' Linda Crabb approached Mike Strawbridge and said "Is it a good idea for you to throw knives at Gerald and why are you dressed as a Red Indian ?" "Oh yeah don't worry Gerald is wearing a crash helmet and dark glasses he is safe and I am dressed as a red indian to add glamour also I went to a sports psychologist who told me to take on the personality of an imaginary person who would be good at the things I can't do so give me a moment and I will become Big Chief Dances with Dogs on account that I don't need a lead when I walk a dog " Mike went into a slight trance then turned to Steve and said "How paleface me Dances with Dogs you be able assistant now get knives and victim er I mean volunteer to be target me just have some fire water " "Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a practice without a volunteer I will sit Gerald over by Julian Pring " said Steve " Yesum that big heap good idea Paleface me have more firewater you know what they say practice and firewater make perfect " Steve moved Gerald to a safe distance and Mike was surprisingly good with the knives although a couple did fly through the window and a couple of smokers started to think that perhaps smoking could damage their health . Julian Pring turned to Gerald and said "You time me eating a pasty then I will know how long it takes to break the record " but Gerald was comfy and had nodded off . Julian opened his box of pasties and prepared to practice .Mike had finished throwing his knives and was having more fire water when his nostrils twitched "Me smell Gingster ! yum yum " he strode over to Julian and said " You have gingster in box me taste " "No no no they are gluten free you won't like them " said Julian ."Listen paleface me and squaw have caravan on cornwall reservation me know my gingsters " Mike stuck his hand in the box and ate the pasties like a native American cookie monster ."You've eaten my act you dick "cried Julian James Maidment was have troubles of his own he complained to Steve "I can get my Jasper to do a figure 8 around my ankles but I can't get him to stand up I think he won't do it with you men around he just likes ladies ".......................Mean while in the front bar The Conservative Pensioners bingo was disturbed by Ally Potter and her gang of ball throwers the burst into the bar . Barmaid Kim said "Can I help you ladies ?and can you keep the noise down " Ally approached the bar and whispered "pssttt I hear the Mixtures are rehearsing their show is James Maidment there?" Yes they are and I think James is dressed as a cowboy and is going to do something with his Jasper" answered Kim .Ally's ball throwers started to giggle and get excited Kim then asked "but why have got inflatable willies with Jasper written on them " The gang started dancing around waving the inflatable willies and chanting "Lets see you're Jasper !" Ally leant forward and whispered into Kim's ear what James can do with his Jasper "NOT IN MY ALLEY HE'S NOT!"shouted Kim Kim entered the alley and shouted "WHAT'S GOING ON WHO IS IN CHARGE ?" Mike stepped forward and said "HOW !" "Not how who ? Mike what are you up to I've a hen party turn up out there who think there is someone out here doing puppetry of the penis and a table of old dears have passed out because when the bingo caller called six and nine 69 some bright spark shoved a 2ft inflatable willie under their noses !" MIke replied "Squaw speak with forked tongue me um Dances with Dogs me and braves practice for spectacular show for many moons " Kim surveyed the scene she saw a Red Indian ,construction worker cowboy and what looked like an American Traffic cop sound asleep "All I can see is the ropiest Village People act ever Nigel and Phil look like Right Said Fred serenading Kenneth Williams and why is young James Male trying to take the head off of Worzel Gummidge ?" James Maidment stepped forward and asked "Kim you're a lady I can't get my Jasper up if you show him a titbit I reckon we could get lucky !" Kim stared at him and shouted "GET OUT shows are barred "! Kim marches out of the alley muttering "Bloody weirdos now lets get rid of that hen party " junior teenage cocktail party garments